This is the fifth in a series of 10 articles about meeting the needs of children during the first five years.

Q: What do parents need to know about the social and emotional well-being of young children?

A: According to the Harvard research studies of preschool children, the first three years are the crucial years for social and emotional growth and development in children. In these years, children first develop bonds with parents, then test limits, then learn to accept parental authority, for the most part.

Sara Shaw, a consultant from Northwestern University, believes babies are born with biological needs for physical contact and closeness. Since crying is their only means of communication, parents need to respond to the cries of newborns consistently and quickly to relieve discomfort. The first six or seven months constitutes the period necessary for meeting newborn needs promptly and compassionately.

From seven to 14 months, babies expand crying behaviors to include minor mishaps of bumps and bruises. Parents have to learn to differentiate between cries of discomfort and distress and cries for attention when nothing is wrong.

During seven to 14 months, babies are curious and need to roam and explore. These needs are best met by putting away breakable and valuable items. There are two reasons to babyproof the house. One is to keep children from hurting themselves. The other is to avoid saying "no" continually. Too much "no" leads to young children later disregarding limits set by parents. Finally, overemphasizing or overreacting to negative behaviors reinforces these behaviors.

Shaw further observes that children from 2 to 3 years of age still primarily are focused on their parents more then their peers. Social and emotional development slows down in this stage, but a primary need is to learn to accept limits. Parents should teach children safe and acceptable behavior while still providing love and nurturing.

According to therapist Dr. Olive Morton, meeting the emotional needs of infants is far less demanding than trying to repair the damage of children whose emotional needs are neglected. Researchers Torsten Wiesel and David Hubel produced evidence in the 1970s that the brain's emotional circuits are most receptive to programming in the first 18 months. Foundations for emotional security and positive self-esteem are set during this stage. Trust and security are cornerstones of bonding. When parents fail to provide these essentials, they are limiting their children's mental and emotional potential.

Emotional intelligence is one's ability to understand and cope with one's own feelings and the feelings of others. Such emotional intelligence enables people to make good decisions rather than those based only on intellectual appraisal, to think creatively, to motivate themselves and others, and to achieve better health and more satisfying relationships.

In addition, children with emotional intelligence are better at communication, impulse control, decision-making, solving problems and getting along with others. Educators have begun to recognize that emotional well-being is a key factor in determining success and happiness.

An article from Auburn University, edited by Extension Family and Child Development Specialist Ellen Abell identifies three basic emotions of children 1 to 3 years of age. They are love and affection, fear and anger. Children first experience love toward those who meet their physical needs. Children expand their abilities to love through practice and experience. When parents meet their children's needs adequately, children learn to love in return, because they are nurtured and valued.

Anger is the second significant feeling or emotion of small children. Temper tantrums occur most often in 2- and 3-year-olds. However, tantrums can last longer than these years. Very strong-willed children will prolong temper tantrums. Children who are insecure or anxious might have more tantrums. Children who lack self-control also are vulnerable to more frequent or more intense tantrums.

Finally, the third emotion of small children is fear. Various fears come and go during different stages. Common fears are fears of the dark and fears of monsters. Parents need to provide simple explanations and simple solutions to fears. Giving children options to impose some control over fears helps them. For example, nightlights control darkness. Some educational children's videos also address fears.

* Next's week's article will focus on bonding and the emotional availability of parents.

Judy Caprez is associate professor and director of social work at Fort Hays State University. Send your questions to her in care of the department of sociology and social work, Rarick Hall, FHSU.