'Missing' parents contribute to misbehaving youth
This is the fourth in a series of 12 articles about contemporary American families.
Q: What are additional problem behaviors in adolescents and children related to causes in families and peers?
A: Continuing with the report from the Vanier Institute of the Family, Dr. Anne-Marie Ambert identifies the parental characteristics that have led to increased problematic children. Although divorce figures have stabilized and are no longer increasing, divorce imposes additional stresses on both parents and children. The majority of children of divorce do well, but these children are at higher risk for problems than children in two-parent families.
Another trend in family life that has been detrimental to children is that of domestic violence, particularly physical violence. If children experience domestic violence, they are more at risk for physical abuse themselves. Men who abuse women are more likely to abuse their children. Abused mothers are more likely to use harsh discipline with their children than women who are not abused. Parents with criminal histories of incarceration are more likely to produce violent children.
The values of parents that are among the most harmful to children are parental preoccupation with materialism coupled with overwork toward the goal of upward mobility. Parents who focus on material acquisitions and who work excessively do not spend enough time teaching children values and nurturing children. They also model competition rather than more appropriate family values.
Overworked parents lead to unsupervised children. Much of juvenile delinquency occurs from 3 to 8 p.m. Either parents are not home, or they return home too tired to supervise children adequately.
Final areas in which parents serve as poor role models include sportsmanship and their own personal lives. Parents who are rude and insulting teach their children by example. Parents who practice irresponsible sexual behavior are not going to monitor and guide their children in appropriate sexual activities.
There are many factors that contribute to problem behaviors in children and adolescents besides family dynamics. One of the greatest influences that can even exceed family influences as children grow older is that of peers. Children now have constant contact with peers beginning with daycare and preschool. Not only do children hang out with their friends, but when they are home, they spend additional time communicating on the Internet, texting on cell phones, or listening to their own music or videos.
Peer group selection is based on similarities so that children find others like themselves. These peer groups then exert tremendous influence on group members to behave in ways sanctioned by the groups. Most peer groups emphasize material possessions such as having the right labels on clothes and having the popular technologies, such as cell phones and iPods. Peer groups can be very intimidating to members when encouraging antisocial behaviors. Gangs are a type of peer group. Antisocial peer groups can either be accepted by other children or rejected, depending on the school. More often, antisocial peer groups are not accepted by their peers, a circumstance which tends to increase the aggressiveness of these groups.
Unfortunately, there is no parental peer group support system to counterbalance children's peer groups. "Everyone else is going to the party" or "everyone else is doing it" are themes familiar to most parents. When parents are insecure in their parenting skills, unsure of themselves, or victimized by highly manipulative and aggressive children, they are afraid to stand firm in their convictions. Thus, they allow children and adolescents to do things that are not in their best interests.
However, when parents are authoritative and competent, children and adolescents have better outcomes. Although parents do not have organized parent support networks, there are ways for parents to establish communication with other parents and school personnel to check out information in order to make informed decisions.
Getting to know the parents of their children's friends and subsequently checking out stated plans for peer activities is very important. Parents can call school counselors and check out what is normative for their children's peers. Parents can also visit with friends of their children. Frequently young people will be more open with someone else's parents because they have no authority over them.
In short, parents need to pay attention to their children. They need to be observant, available, and open to listening.
* Next week's discussion will focus on additional problem behaviors in adolescents and children related to causes beyond families and peers.
Judy Caprez is associate professor and director of social work at Fort Hays State University. Send your questions to her in care of the department of sociology and social work, Rarick Hall, FHSU.