I have it on good authority — acquired from a highly credible and reliable anonymous source — that the Olympic committee is planning an exciting future event. During the next summer Olympics we might be spectators to an audio-visual performance called “linguistic gymnastics,” which, understandably, will be open primarily to politicians, CEO’s, televangelists, lawyers, and judges (all of whom, in a sense, are always in training). Each contestant will be scored for skills in “creative lying” and “colorful persuasion,” thereby demonstrating agility in obfuscatory wordplay. The words of science fiction authors, Arthur C. Clarke — “a splitter of non-existent hairs” — or Ray Bradbury — “bombarded by dark chaff” — should paint a picture. Electoral-select President Trump and his trusted Pavlovian dogs — namely, official and “unofficial” cabinet members (e.g., Sean Hannity) — should try out for this forthcoming and sure-to-be outstanding event of linguistic prowess. Suggestion: Perhaps Trump, given his own propensity for razzle-dazzle with the English language, could christen our future Olympic competitors, “Team BSA.” This is not fake news. Believe it or not.
R. Joel Holmes