www.mozilla.com Weather Central
Voices
Headlines

Defense against demagogues -1/30/2015, 9:44 AM

Kansas is at risk -1/30/2015, 9:44 AM

Football injuries -1/30/2015, 9:44 AM

A note on primitivism -1/29/2015, 9:55 AM

Owning ideas -1/29/2015, 9:55 AM

There's more -1/29/2015, 9:55 AM

Kansas' birthday -1/29/2015, 9:55 AM

Back to the future, locked and loaded -1/28/2015, 9:29 AM

Compromise -- make it happen -1/28/2015, 9:29 AM

Faith v. facts -1/28/2015, 9:29 AM

Counting on Les -1/27/2015, 9:22 AM

Building bills in the Legislature -1/27/2015, 9:22 AM

Tale of the tree -1/27/2015, 9:22 AM

Seismic activity -1/27/2015, 9:22 AM

Where are the good guys? -1/27/2015, 9:21 AM

Brownback's budget -1/26/2015, 9:59 AM

Committee meetings begin -1/26/2015, 9:50 AM

Excitement starts at Capitol -1/26/2015, 9:50 AM

What's happening with oil prices? -1/26/2015, 9:50 AM

Synthetic biology, brave new world -1/26/2015, 9:50 AM

Today's fierce urgency is voter mobilization -1/25/2015, 5:02 PM

Duke, Muslims and politics of intimidation -1/25/2015, 5:02 PM

Right to hunt -1/25/2015, 5:02 PM

Pipeline: Foreign profits, American risk -1/23/2015, 7:47 AM

Social Darwinist 'Christianity' -- Chapter 3 -1/23/2015, 7:47 AM

Kiwanis generosity -1/23/2015, 7:47 AM

The state economy -1/22/2015, 10:23 AM

Restate of the union -1/22/2015, 10:23 AM

France needs our First Amendment -1/22/2015, 10:23 AM

Repurposing Washington -1/20/2015, 9:31 AM

March for Life -1/20/2015, 9:31 AM

Brownback, the budget and schools -1/20/2015, 9:31 AM

Sensible checks are no assault on gun rights -1/19/2015, 9:50 AM

Jeb Bush chooses expedience on marriage issue -1/19/2015, 9:50 AM

The State of the State Address and the legislative session -1/19/2015, 8:47 AM

Spending's not the culprit in budget woes -1/18/2015, 3:32 PM

Pilgrim's paradise -1/18/2015, 3:32 PM

Spring elections -1/18/2015, 3:23 PM

Kobach is back -1/16/2015, 3:04 PM

More with Les -1/16/2015, 10:03 AM

Understanding Hooper -1/16/2015, 10:02 AM

Basic economics -1/16/2015, 10:01 AM

Female governance -1/15/2015, 9:37 AM

2015 energy policy -- a unique opportunity -1/15/2015, 9:37 AM

The better option -1/15/2015, 9:36 AM

'Wall Street' a waste -1/14/2015, 2:50 PM

Trade already -1/14/2015, 2:49 PM

No media bias? -1/14/2015, 2:48 PM

Retirement funds -1/14/2015, 2:47 PM

Redefining public education in Kansas -1/13/2015, 10:06 AM

What the future holds -1/13/2015, 10:06 AM

Efficient education -1/13/2015, 10:06 AM

Terrorists usher in the 'End of Satire' -1/12/2015, 9:14 AM

Sexuality, lame logic, substandard science -1/12/2015, 9:14 AM

A tragic family story -1/11/2015, 12:11 PM

For freedom, LGBT rights, a year of decision -1/11/2015, 12:11 PM

Roberts' promotion -1/11/2015, 12:11 PM

FHSU campaign -1/11/2015, 12:11 PM

Fairness in U.S. -1/9/2015, 3:05 PM

Liberals' use of black people -- Part II -1/9/2015, 9:09 AM

Social Darwinist 'Christians' -- Chapter 2 -1/9/2015, 9:09 AM

Taxing situation -1/9/2015, 9:09 AM

Trust: Society depends on it -1/8/2015, 9:55 AM

Education schools lack a paradigm -1/8/2015, 9:55 AM

Congress convenes -1/7/2015, 10:07 AM

Simple way to fix gridlock: change committees -1/7/2015, 10:06 AM

Kansas is your customer -1/7/2015, 10:06 AM

Large budget shortfalls await solution -1/6/2015, 10:06 AM

The state and funding K-12 education -1/6/2015, 10:06 AM

Tree removal -1/6/2015, 10:06 AM

Republicans won -- now what? -1/5/2015, 9:13 AM

Social Darwinist religion, Chapter 1 -1/5/2015, 9:13 AM

Liberals' use of black people -1/2/2015, 9:53 AM

Ignorance abounds -1/2/2015, 9:53 AM

Superbug dilemma -1/2/2015, 9:53 AM

Thanks North Korea -12/31/2014, 1:26 PM

Sony gets the last laugh -12/31/2014, 1:26 PM

Free speech -12/31/2014, 1:16 PM

New Year's resolutions -- sort of -12/31/2014, 9:22 AM

A flat-footed backflip for Wall Street -12/31/2014, 9:22 AM

Dim the lights -12/31/2014, 9:22 AM

Some near-sure bets for the new year -12/31/2014, 9:21 AM

Adios, Rick Perry -12/30/2014, 8:20 AM

Budget strife means high-anxiety session -12/30/2014, 8:20 AM

Time for caution -12/30/2014, 8:20 AM

-12/29/2014, 10:01 AM

Court's raw deal -12/29/2014, 10:01 AM

Chris Christie's pork barrel politics -12/29/2014, 10:00 AM

A Festivus Miracle -12/27/2014, 4:18 PM

Faith, not politics, keeps Christ in Christmas -12/27/2014, 4:18 PM

EPA rule falls short -12/27/2014, 4:18 PM

2014: The year in Kansas higher education -12/26/2014, 9:39 AM

Methane from cattle -12/26/2014, 9:39 AM

Black progression and retrogression -12/26/2014, 9:38 AM

Up-Lyft-ing Christmas tale -12/25/2014, 1:22 PM

Terrorism on soft targets -12/25/2014, 1:22 PM

Story of Christmas -12/25/2014, 1:22 PM

Fabricated column -12/24/2014, 8:21 AM

The Christmas spirit dwells in us all -12/24/2014, 8:21 AM

Celebrating life -12/24/2014, 8:21 AM

myTown Calendar

SPOTLIGHT
[var top_story_head]

Wow! You didn't know that?

Published on -9/23/2012, 10:37 AM

Printer-friendly version
E-Mail This Story

Normally, next month is October. Go to your calendar. Lift the September sheet so's you can see October clearly.

Now carefully count the number of Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. If you've done it right, there should be five each. So what, you ask? Come back to the present. Kiddo, next month is a rarity.

For the coming 823 years, only this year will October have five Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. A good Christian lady in Dodge City assured me she got that from a reliable friend. Pass it along at the coffee shop, but make sure you tell where you learned it. Right here. With luck, all good Americans will know before election day.

Think I'm joking? Yeah, well, our Secretary of State Kris Kobach checked it out.

I know, you can't always depend on Kobach. Last Monday, he said he got official word from Hawaii that Obummer's birth certificate jibed with what the sneaky White House had put out. Kris said he has "no doubts now."

Of course, that is what the Wichita Eagle snooze-paper said. You absolutely cannot trust the lamestream media. But for just a second, believe Kris actually claimed that Obummer might be a skinny darky, but that he is constitutionally eligible not only to be president of these United States but OK to be on the Kansas ballot in November.

Jeez, does Kobach not get it?

Hawaiian state government is not what he thinks it is. Hawaii, lying conveniently mid-Pacific, is miles closer to Russia than Kansas. Ask Sarah Palin. The pineapple state has been infiltrated by Marxist agents since 2008, and you know who got elected then. Hawaii now has socialist programs like the minimum wage and the 40 hour week. They even require mostly accurate content labels on food cans and packages. That's big government regulation, my friends. Forty-seven percent of the lazy old welfare cheats there are taking Social Security and Medicare. And ... and ... Hawaii has public schools and universities. Good God, there are public parks.

C'mon, Kobach. You actually believe anything coming from Hawaii? The whole damned state is a Mauna Loa of radical Islamic propaganda. And in case you hadn't got this email: radical Islam is a cover for atheistic socialism. That's in William Ayers and Sol Alinsky's book "The Useful Truths of Radicality." Holy Honolulu!

Back to October. I have reliable testimony that Snopes, Politifact, Factcheck, TruthorFiction and Urban Legends cannot be trusted. They are all financed by George Soros and his third wife's cousin Vladimir Putin. That information comes from the only fairly balanced TV news outlet. And Rush Limbaugh, having been lovingly spanked for calling Sandra Fluke a word that rhymes with "nut," will also corroborate my findings. Just call in.

But ... not wishing to leave any base journalistically un-rounded, I checked. Snopes, of course, says it's all hooey, says October will have five Mondays-Tuesdays-Wednesdays way sooner than 2835. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look deeper. Barbara and David Mikkelson, who publish Snopes, are not just Sorosians and Putinians. They are Canadians -- and Canada has universal health care. Folks, do the math.

Another lefty site (Timeanddate.com, obviously run by liberal university graduates) claims that 2007 October had five Mondays-Tuesdays-Wednesdays and will again in 2018. Horse poop.

Frankly, as it sometimes happens to septuagenarians, my memory's not so good. I'm dim about 2007. But if I can make it to 2017, I've told Better Half to watch for the 2018 calendars to come out, and let me know. She has a sticky-note somewhere -- if she can remember where she put it.

Before we go, I got an email yesterday proving that if Obummer is re-elected he'll take away the .22 single-shot my dad got me when I turned 13. Worse, there'll be SEAL-trained SWAT teams at all churches demanding photo IDs and at least three notarized affidavits affirming you and your children are registered Democrats and have never voted otherwise. Inside, the crucifixes, candles and altar clothes will have been removed.

Pious conservatives (there are no other kind) and churchy Republicans, too, will be turned away to find a grotto -- one with no heat and no potty. Hereabout, grottos are rare. So your best bet is to become a Muslim or a secular humanist and run for office as a Democrat. You will need a brand new photo ID.

You think I make this stuff up? "Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye free."

(I think Karl Rove said that originally, but I can't prove it yet.)

Bob Hooper is a fourth-generation western Kansan who writes from his home in Bogue.

celtic@ruraltel.net

digg delicious facebook stumbleupon google Newsvine
More News and Photos

Associated Press Videos

AP Breaking News