This is an unfair world, but you already knew that. So let me point out a few of the things that really puzzle me.

For starters, I've always known that women were smarter than men (as well as being much better looking). I have a wife and two daughters, so I've strongly supported women's rights, and I abhor the glass ceilings that sometimes prevent women from achieving the successes they deserve.

On the other hand, I also feel that there ought to be a place in this sad old world for men, and that they deserve a few retreats that are sacrosanct. For instance, men have a right to gather for "coffee breaks" where they can repeat the latest gossip, tell the biggest lies, give the government hell and speak in salty language that isn't fit for polite society.

The "coffee break" was perhaps the last bastion of the male world. Now that women have invaded the coffee shops, it seems to me that they've gone too darned far!

Then there's the matter of hair. We all have it, although it may not cover the dome of some men's heads. When the Lady of the House has her hair "done," she goes to a "beauty shop." But, when the Old Man begins to look shaggy, do you think he can find a "handsome shop?"

Nope. He usually finds himself patronizing a beauty shop (because most of the barber shops are extinct). Worst of all, it doesn't work. Very few men walk out of a "beauty" shop looking handsome.

Well, that's enough nonsense along this line, so let's turn to something that really puzzles and irritates me. I speak, of course, of the high unemployment rate.

How in the dickens can we figure an unemployment rate these days?

In the first place, most of the husbands and wives that I know both have jobs. When I was a boy, women worked just as hard as they do now, but few of them held a "job," so they weren't included in the "official labor force."

The world has changed. These days, for instance, a star athlete is being interviewed on TV and he says something like this: "I owe it all to my parents. My dad worked at three jobs so that I could attend school, and my mom took care of the family and worked two jobs."

You can see, right there in one family, that two people worked five jobs. They might not have been great jobs, and some of them probably were part-time, but five positions were eliminated from the job market by one family. While I appreciate the dedication of those parents, you can see that this is becoming a statistical nightmare.

It gets worse. When our government figures those 10-percent unemployment statistics, do they take illegal aliens into account? Here's what I mean. Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that America's actual job force includes 10 million non-Americans -- good, hard-working people who simply want to earn a living, but non-Americans nonetheless.

Well, it would seem logical that this leaves 10 million Americans without a job. Maybe the non-Americans are picking beans, or harvesting heads of lettuce, or picking cantaloupes.

At the same time, in our cities, 10 million jobless people try to eke out an existence in slums. Have you ever heard of an attempt to transport any of these out-of-work folks to the vegetable fields where they actually could earn money? I haven't.

Next we'll visit a college town, where we'll consume a few meals. Who takes our orders at the local McDonald's? Who waits on us at the Olive Garden or Chili's?

They seem to be mostly students who are attending school so that, when they graduate, they can find a job. (But they already have jobs.)

So call me right-wing socialist if you're so inclined, but I find it hard to understand how unemployment rates are figured. (Of course, statistics don't help an out-of-work person at all, so maybe it doesn't matter.)

Looking back over my own life, I can recall only one week between the ages of 16 and 74 when I didn't have a job. But I wasn't typical because, you see, I was self-employed most of the time and no one could fire me.

Which actually isn't quite true. Because, when you work for the public as a newspaper editor, you work for everyone. And, if you write enough dumb stuff, the entire county can fire you.

Darrel Miller lives near Downs in rural Osborne County and is a retired weekly newspaper editor.