OK, I get the message. My attempts at political sagery in recent weeks have been a bust.
At least Phoebe Grindal, of Topeka, was kind. She wrote, "Please go back to the humor articles. Always love those as a comic relief to what's happening today."
So that is not so bad. Apparently, the role of municipal jester is a noble calling, too. Remember, an unemployed jester is nobody’s fool.
Phoebe seems to be referring to the columns I wrote, beginning several years ago, that got the local punsters all atwitter. They began sending me their favorite puns and I printed some.
So allow me to pander to the punsters this week.
• We will begin with one of the most popular puns, so popular that three men claim authorship: Fred Allen, Tom Waits and Scott Watson: "I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
• Surely there is nowhere to go from here but upward: "Have you ever wondered why you always run out of breath when you throw up? Ah, but a man’s retch should exceed his gasp, or what’s a heaving for?"
• While filming a chase scene in a movie, the robbers were using a hearse for their getaway car, they went around a corner and the back door flew open and the casket slid out the back. The director yells: "Cut! You’d better go back and rehearse that!"
• And more: You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
• He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
• Every calendar’s days are numbered.
• A plateau is a high form of flattery.
• The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
• When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.
• Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
• Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
• When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
• A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Mike Hall may be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.